I laughed out loud at the ‘takes the short bus to the data center’ line.
I can empathize. I hired in a new System Administrator early last year (after a year of the spot being vacant). Guy made it through the three phone interviews, if a little green; no big deal, newbies can be taught.
Dude gets in the chair and literally has no idea what he’s doing. Zero. He comes to my office at the end of his first week and says, “I keep hearing this term used over and over again, but in the context of the conversation, it doesn’t make sense.”
Okay, we use a fair amount of strange acronyms around my current workplace and because it’s healthcare, sometimes it gets confusing.
DS: "Yeah man, no worries. I’m glad to help. What’s got you confused?"
FNG: “VM. What’s a VM?”
The expression on my face must’ve been cue enough because he laughed a little uncomfortably. But all I can remember thinking was, “Are you fucking shitting me?” I must’ve personified that look.
DS: "Well… what do you think it means?"
FNG: "I dunno."
DS: "Have you consulted the vast font of knowledge that is Google?"
FNG: "Well, no…I’m not good at research."
FNG: "heh heh…"
DS: "It’s Virtual Machine. We deal with three flavors. VirtualBox, Hyper-V, and ESXi."
I can see the mouse on its running wheel trying to process what I’ve just told him. From a life prior to working with computers, I can tell he has no idea what I’m talking about. I e-mail him the SharePoint articles that I wrote on all three technologies, which also take from various sources around the webz.
He replies to my e-mail and the grammar and spelling are atrocious. This is a pet peeve of mine because at the time, the Infrastructure team interfaced a lot with Directors and C-level personnel. This guy was writing like he was my 15 year old nephew texting.
I sat in my office reading it and letting my irritation subside. I figure I’ll think it through and tackle this next week as well as begin to introduce him to some application administration I want him to take over.
Get into the office on Monday and he’s 2 hour late. No call. No e-mail to either myself or our Manager. He rolls in around 9:30am and I’m in my office doing my thing. He comes in and flops down into a chair and proceeds (unsolicited) to tell me about his girlfriend’s kids and how they’re a problem. I’ve known this guy all of 5 days, but I take it with a grain of salt and let the guy vent.
The ranting reaches a lull and I interject that we need to discuss some things. I bring up the e-mail and my concern that he didn’t know what a VM was. He tells me that this is just the way he types and he’s not going to change. He says he’s sorry about not knowing what a VM was. I make note of this, but tell him that I have some tasks for him to take care of. The tasks were, all in all, pretty simple. I needed for him to spin up a local VM using VirtualBox, download Visual Studio, install it, and follow the SharePoint instructions for setting up some password decryption tools we use. I let him know that each of these components is important for some of the applications I’m going to have him administer. He tells me he understands and will get it taken care of.
I drag the guy around to various meetings so that he can get acclimated. A week goes by and I ask how the VM is coming along and he tells me he hasn’t done it yet. I’m mystified and just ask why and he tells me that he didn’t really think it was important because he was studying what a VM was through Microsoft videos on YouTube.
I pull him into my office and try to keep the incredulity out of my voice and tell him that this is totally unacceptable. I tell him that my expectation is that this work gets done by mid-week so that I can keep training him.
Mid-week comes and it’s still not done. I go to my boss and I keep her in the loop about this and am told that I should be more flexible. So, I pull FNG into a small conference room and spend 4 hours of my day hand-holding with him to get all this work done.
2 more months of this shit go by with him being wholly inept before I finally insist that his probationary period be cut short.
Dude looked great on paper and interviewed really well, but he got in the chair and just refused to do anything without inordinately huge amounts of help. shake fist