Things you wish you could say (everywhere)


You would think she’d have gotten the hint at “We don’t have public WiFi.”


I’m sure they didn’t want to be responsible for the stroke.


I was trapped in a medical waiting room with a gent who kept yelling at his phone, “Connect to wifi!” He was seated directly in front of a cluster of signs: “No cell phones past this point,” “Please do not use cell phones in this building,” and “QUIET PLEASE.” He kept raising his volume and repeating his command for Siri, because why should he quietly tap the menu in a space for stressed families?

I finally said, “There’s no free wifi in this building.” Gent was so startled that I spoke to him he instantly shut up. Seriously, dude, look at the X on your wifi icon. I’ve been at this practice many times, they’ve never offered wifi and even cell reception isn’t great in half the building. Just read a d@mn magazine.


Or previously downloaded Kindle books!

But, yeah… Expecting phones to work in a hospital is not a good idea. My wife’s been dealing with some issues with her side of the family, and it’s the reason I got her a battery pack in case she has to spend some time in a hospital room with her family and no charger.


Those are garden hoses and a sweeping sprinkler, not food, you silly crows!


I didn’t drop my kindle into a pee filled toilet.

It worked just fine after retrieving it.

The case popped right off so I didn’t get too bad a case of pee hands.

But at least I can say two things… it was only $39.99,and apparently my 8" HDX Fire is working again after taking a multiple month lapse so I can still read stuff.


I haven’t had the opportunity to say this yet, but I have a feeling it’s about to become my favourite new saying:

“Thank you for the opportunity to correct you.”


I actually got to use a variant of that phrase in an online discussion today. Original post was a bad photoshop of a picture to make a political statement, with a tacked-on speech conflating two things to advance that political position. Like, first-hit-on-Google-shows-it’s-fake bad. The poster and friends tried a ton of nonsense, including whatabouts, ad hominem, and tu quoque. Multiple people demanded facts, then replied to the sourced facts with “I don’t care, it’s still X” or “I demand better facts!” It’s pretty funny when people try personal attacks, then get frustrated when you redirect them to the subject of the discussion.


We left our hoses laying in the grass pretty frequently… easier than coiling them wet after running the sprinklers, after all.

The squirrels or the chipmunk chewed holes in them… no shit, all the way to water holes in commercial grade, multi-layer hoses.

I bought junction repairs and fixed it all… although there are still a couple of spots where they started and did not get all the way through.

If I coil the hose on the wall hanger… no nibbles.

No clue. Of course, these are the same yard rats that used my gate latch lifters as teething knobs.


You’ve spent the last six months trying to break up my wife and I for reasons known only to you and very nearly succeeded. I can’t believe I let it go on this long but I’m done. You’re a toxic person and need to go to hell.

Oh wait, I did say a variation of that.


Eish, that is a bad one.


I, for one, would like the specifics of the variation.


Yeah, I’m gonna have to go ahead and ask you to expand on that…


Guessing MIL, or similar.


That’s fair, I suppose. But it will have to wait. It’s kind of a long story and I’m busy as hell at work today.


“Everyday” and “every day” are not the same thing.
Everyday means commonplace or ordinary (encountered or used routinely or typically : ordinary e.g. everyday clothes)
Every day means something happens every day.

So when you say “I go to work everyday” or something to that effect, I do not think it means what you think it means.


This really grinds my gears.


I’m sorry, but between your accent and the conflicting information I’m getting from you of “I’m from $Cell_phone_company” and saying things like, “What are you doing, man?”, you just hit the fail threshhold for trying to run a scam.


If you are going to quote The Princess Bride, then quote what was actually said - especially if it’s one of the iconic lines in the movie.
Inigo Montoya did not say
“You keep using that word. I don’t think you know what it means” :rage:


The town I currently live in has not been in the news recently for very bad things - Chipotle illness, domestic violence, racist contractor - all on the national news. We are better than this.

My hometown is also not on the news, for multiple water rescues yesterday due to red flag conditions that people just ignore. We lose people every year. Yesterday we lost two. The worst part is that it was the end of the a major festival and there were thousands of tourists in town. Most of us who grew up there know better, but those that didn’t, don’t. Sad.