Things you wish you could say (at work)


You’re a Pen-Tester. You’re supposed to be smarter than average. Why are you so f**king stupid?


Pen-Testers are supposed to think outside the box.

Because all ne’er-do-wells do the same - rules don’t apply to them.


Maybe you got the one who thought the job was just scribbling on paper all day to see how the ink flows?


The important word there is “think”. It matters not whether it’s inside a box. Or outside it.


Haha! Good one! :rofl:


Gotta love netwrix auditor. Gives me instant overview over who did what with which files.

Need to sort out SQL server licencing. We’ve got a licence for ms sql server 2012 (as per our recent ELOP), but I just dunno where it is now. And I dunno who to ask with help in this regard.


Just fess up $cow-orker.

If you deleted some files by mistake, just ask IT to assist in this regard. Don’t keep schtum, because some of us had to go for polygraph testing. And it was not a fun experience.

So if I will find out who did this, I will kill you slowly and teabag you. Then bring you to life and kill you again.

Pissed-off IT admin is an understatement.


Why do you keep asking for Firewall exceptions that already exist?

(More accurately, your desktop/server’s personal firewall is Not My Problem. Or that your app is shut down and thus not listening.)


Is it unreasonable to expect that the person who is going to be gone lets their co-workers know? Or are all of the employees supposed to check the schedule every day to see who’s gone?


Yes, I did see you coming. I watched you walk right into me.

Did you see me?

Why is it my fault when you do something stupid and I don’t have the sense to get out of your way? Why are you so upset about this? If you’re in such a hurry, why is it of paramount importance to brace me in the hallway and take the time to make sure I know “how to walk proper”?

What the fuck?


Hell, yeah! I noticed the same thing when the wife suckered me into going to the mall with her last week. So many clueless, inattentive, self-absorbed drones. At one point, I stopped dodging them… “Brace for impact!” I’m not all that big, but I’m anticipating it and they’re not, so it generally shocks them back to reality when they bounce off*, eh! I think I only had one person react with a “What the hell?” or something like that, so I looked at them like they’re the dipshit that they are and said something along the lines of “I guess you should have been watching where you were going.” with the attitude of “That’s right asshole, you’ve just encountered a bigger asshole.”

I was a little testy. I used to like going to the mall when I was younger, but lately, not so much.

(*Not really worried about pickpockets - hand in front pocket with wallet and arm touching flap of phone holster, so everything important was relatively secure.)


If somebody at a remote site loses a package of replacement parts, what am I supposed to do?


I find screaming into the void works well.


Did you ever think that the reason you can’t hold on to staff is because you treat them like crap, speak to them in a condescending manner, and make them work alone without any true training? I wouldn’t want to work for you either. I dread every time I have to cover a shift at your hospital because it’s awful. Maybe you wouldn’t have so many panic attacks if you would ctfd and act like an adult with your staff so they would stay and you could take some time off.


Oh man, I’ve pulled the “stay in my lane” a few times. I really don’t do it much though, I’ve almost knocked people on their asses.


Mostly in that situation I just stop in place and let them walk into me while I’m not even moving. In basketball, as in real life, that’s a foul. You’d be amazed at the reaction. People who would gladly walk into you if you’re moving will go to lengths to avoid you if you are standing still. If they notice you.


Wait, what? Rizak’s invisible when moving?


It’s his special Canadian super power.


He’s the anti-Drax


Shhhhh! Second rule of Canadian super powers is we don’t talk about Canadian super powers! (First rule is we apologise for them. :slight_smile: )