Things you wish you could say (at work)


If y’all could have your little break room pow-wow someplace other than in front of the fridge that would be great. I’d like to get my lunch out.


You’re up my ass all morning when I’m neck deep in other stuff about how you need this problem fixed right now. $Cow_Orker looked at it but couldn’t fix it either and now that I need something from you so I can proceed with your new machine you’re nowhere to be found. I have way too many other tickets. You just lost your place at the top of the queue, lady.


Ah! She finally provided justification for her offer. I still think she’s low but now I see what we agree on and where we are further apart. And now I can make an educated counter based off that.

Only took seven months. :roll_eyes:


Dear $coworker, I don’t (and will not) explain the reasons for decisions taken with all things IT. If you don’t like it, then you’re welcome to do my job.

And no, I will NOT be helping you. You will be on your own. Because by the tone of your emails it seems that you consider the IT crew to be incompetent, and that you can do a better job.


Well, fingers crossed I sent over what should be the agreement. Hopefully she’s in a sane mood and doesn’t decide to change her offer that I’ve already agreed to. Told her if it looks good she can just drop off a couple cashier’s checks to the lawyer and I will sign on my next day off.


Sounds to me like you’ve sheared the sheep, washed and carded the wool, spun some lovely fibers, woven them into a length of material out of which you cut a particular shape that you then sewed into a hat.

Wave it. Wave it proudly.


Don’t do anything irreversible until the checks clear. Then grind her into dust. If you need anything removed from the facility, I have a cargo van and charge reasonable rates.


My wife’s clinic went through a slightly awkward transfer of ownership and is looking at moving premises… It’s a process where you don’t want to know how the sausage is made. Unless you’re involved, of course.

I’m staying out of it unless they ask for opinions on cabling and such.


Yeah. I’m so done with the whole thing. Last offer was the most confusing thing and in reality was a lower offer than she had made before. I don’t think she gets how this works.

Oh well. I have calls with practice brokers on Tuesday. Let her sit on it.


You don’t get to log a ticket on Friday afternoon and then peace out for the entire next week. Almost half my queue is this bullshit.


Closing as customer did not respond within two business days. If this is still required, please open a new ticket.


Yeah I can’t really do that. :frowning:


Ever heard of the saying that goes like this : “If you fail to plan ahead, you are planning to fail”…?

You had more than two weeks in tesing your login credentials for the new server, but you put it off until today.

Allow me to say : Behold the field in which I grow my fucks.

Cast thine eyes upon it and see that it is barren.


We’re dropping an old program for something more modern, capable and functional, especially in terms of accessibility from various devices? Yea!

We’re not migrading the data from the old program so we have to use it for any time we need to access the old data? No so yea.


She completely understood the process of a sale and went to the bank to get cashier’s checks in a timely fashion.

How do people survive without basic life skills. Idgi. Wtf. We close at 9am tomorrow and she just asked me if they really need to be cashier’s checks. Um yes. That’s what the accountant recommended for proof of sale. And what i said repeatedly. And emailed you. And texted you. I will still take your money, but if the irs comes calling and I get in trouble…

Oh and she just texted me that if I insist on a cashier’s check she will get to the lawyer’s office later than 9a. Um, no? We have an appointment. With a lawyer. At $350/hr. So, you will be there on time. With my money. And the documents to close. And I will be there with your keys. And bank card. How hard is this, really. :roll_eyes:


You really don’t want to hear what I have to say, do you? Maybe I should get in the habit of just saying “Yes, sir”, “No, sir” and “Permission to speak, sir”.


FAO all users

You have had more than enough time to clean up your data and copy only relevant data over to the new server.

Cutoff time is 13:00 CAT.

If you haven’t copied your stuff over, toughies. You will then need to hand in a request for copy and wait for your preciouses data.



Orders – signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.


Blah. Spoke too soon. Technical glitches, courtesy of Mr Murphy happened.


I’m totally cool if you want to fly me to Glasgow for maybe 4 hours of work.