Things you wish you could say (at work)


I had arranged this maintenance window with you a week ago. It is up to you to manage your users.

You wanted a disk increase beyond 2 Tb and I told you that I would have to take the server offline to change the drive from MBR to GPT.

I contacted you this morning to make sure it was a good time. I didn’t feel it was necessary to contact you again to make sure that all of your users were off of the database. That’s not my problem.



And there was much wailing, and gnashing of teeth.


I’m powered by caffeine and sarcasm.


“Umm… yeah… I… uh… just left you a voice mail to tell you I was going to send you a fax about the email relating to the ticket…”


Oh I am so stealing that for a button.


Well done, O Billware. I must commend you on your qualitay QA processes.

WSUS on Server2k8 is solid. But, starting with Server 2k12 and higher, you will need to fiddle with an obscure memory setting just in order to have a reliable WSUS server.

Allow me to point out that I took all the correct steps in joining the server to the domain and installing said WSUS services. It idled well sans any crashes.

Until I added a GPO to the system to start pushing updates out, then it crashed. And with what? Three other 2k16 servers and a win7 workstation.

Well done, must commend your approach to qualitay, and will recommend it most highly.


Your note-taking style annoys me.


The newly installed [omitted, legal] systems are amazing! Our new computers are so much faster and I can do my job so much easier now!

…seriously, how does a telecoms company fail so hard at internal telecoms?


My specific issue is that WSUS not offer new updates to clients, and the management .mmc would crap out. Updates that had already been presented however would continue to be shown, and installed - most of the time.

An iisreset would bring it back for a short while but the issue persisted until I found the setting that determines how much RAM the app pool has to play with - and it was set low-ish. I cranked it up to $obscene_number and it has been OK since (when it’s not bleating about low disk space on the repository volume, that is :wink: ).


No I never said I would not being doing the books any longer. You interpreted that way. Like you have in the past. I have never once said I was no longer doing the books.

No I do not want an employee learning how to do the bookkeeping while I still own half the business. It is not her business how much money we pull out of the company each month or how much the other employees get paid.

Yes I will continue to do the books and looking through them whenever I feel like it. My name is in the incorporation documents as the tax managing partner and that is my job. As long as it is my legal responsibility and my taxes being paid off those books I will go look at them and do them whenever I want. And pay myself for the time it takes to fix all the messes you created.

If you wish for me to stop doing these things there is a very simple solution. Buy me out. Let’s go sign the paperwork. I have time available every Wednesday and I bet I could get the lawyer to do some weekend work since he’s my farking next-door neighbor.

Oh. Wait. I DID SAY THAT! No longer can she tell me what to do. She isn’t my boss, and if she wants to make the rules she can buy my half. Until then, I have equal say mf’er… No more walking on me. Pick a number, pick a date, write me a check, and let’s sign that paperwork.


Dear $Colleague

We tole you the cutoff date is the 15th of July, when the old server WILL be decommisssioned and you all WILL have to be using the new server well before then.

We will NOT be giving “time extensions” we WILL be shutting that server down. DOWN. As in OFF. Kapisch?

By all means proceed. It is your a$$ that is on the line, not mine.


Billware (most esp office2013 and office2016) wasting my time with installation issues.

Got a couple of brand new laptops, but office2016/2013 craps out on install. Muh buh guh.

Just pissing me off seri-assly TBH.

Googling do help. And, in serious cases, a factory reset.



When I setup this workstation a couple years ago, I was more than annoyed when I installed Office 2016 and Outlook refused to talk to our Exchange server because it didn’t like the version we were running. Bastards.


All right. Which of you numpties enabled sleep mode on a production server?

Oh, said person’s dead and buried, got it.


And it continues. She’s picked a number but it’s a low-ball offer. Keeps claiming I am finding numbers to justify my offer. Um, yeah, that’s what a valuation is. The numbers, or values, that are used to justify an offer. I spent hours valuing everything in the clinic inventory so I could justify the purchase price I came up with. You, on the other hand, use words to make up some formula and then pick a number out of thin air. That’s not how it works. Prove to me that number is valid and I will consider it. Ffs… It isn’t that difficult.

On the bright side, the random number she picked this time is $3k more than the random number she picked last time. I’m going to let her cool her heels for a few days whole I explore some other options, then try again. I’m almost tempted to take her offer but would like to see if she’ll come up a few more $k first. Since she’s just randomly throwing out numbers at this point with no real justification. Maybe she will slip up and agree to my offer. :joy:


At this point, I’d be checking if I could sell my part of the business to a third party. No way should you take too low an amount for the work you’ve put into the business. People like that will be miserable to get what they want, it’s what narcissists do.


Already in the works. Waiting on a couple of calls today. She is demanding to see any and all offers I might have but I do not have to show anything to her until it is finalized and contingent on her matching it. She’s out of her mind. I just don’t understand why she makes things up. Literally makes them up. For example, she claims I told her all the bills were paid through a certain date, which they were, but that I’m lying because we had $1500 of outstanding invoices from suppliers that hadn’t been paid and therefore all debts weren’t paid. Um, no… Open invoices for product that was ordered since the previous billing cycle closed isn’t debt, it’s cost of goods sold. If you pay your credit card off every month you do not have debt in the accounting sense. It’s the same thing. Suppliers are paid off monthly statements to account for any end of month discounting and returns. Just like your credit cards. I don’t understand how an adult can get this far in life and not understand how it works…


Oh, I understand it. Narcissists will resist facts that they don’t like, change the subject. She saw she was wrong on some level and had to shift focus to something else. It’s so ingrained they don’t see that they’re doing it sometimes.

I am sorry you are currently in business with this person, and I wish you a speedy work-divorce.


Dealing with change and the unexpected is part of IT. I know, I know, it sucks… But it’s part of life. And especially IT jobs.


I’d be tempted to up your number, just to compensate for her obstinance/stupidity, and for wasting your time & trying your patience.