Things you wish you could say (at work)


Should be interesting to see how things pan out for the circus then.


Yes, I saw you. I know you saw me. You walked right into me.
Your pod was coming toward me down this regular sized hallway, taking the entire width. Rather than make it awkward, I simply stood in place until you were all past. Everyone except for you managed to walk around me with no problem. You, however, couldn’t manage it. When you bumped into me, you looked at me like I had just pissed on your avocado toast.
YOU are in the wrong, if anyone has to be. Does this have to become a problem? Why can’t people just be courteous? WHY CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?


I hate reorgs.


Especially if IT’s kept out of the loop and only are informed of the reorg the second it happens.


Go bigger! it’s an IT reorg and IT seems to have been kept out of the loop!


At my first job out of school, I spent 6 months after a reorg being told “you have a job, we just don’t know where on the org chart you’re going to be.”

They figured it out about 2 months before I left.


This Windows 10 migration has now put a second name on my shit list. Don’t fuck with me, old man.


Suck it up, buttercup.

Asking IT after 13:00 on a Friday to assist you in setting up a VPN connection on a laptop get a big fat raspberry from me.

You can wait till Monday. I’m not going to bust my gut in getting things set up on a borked laptop. You had the whole week to let us know that you had issues, but no, you did not.


Congratulations, you just made spot number three on the shit list. It’s not my problem you don’t know how to recreate those network shortcuts and can’t remember where they pointed so I can do it for you. And yes, you can work today, it’s just going to require a bit more effort. Stop being so dramatic.


What must you do to be on the first spot on said list?


Be the first person to be a dick to me since I’ve worked here. Which happened about three weeks ago. Number two (no pun intended) happened yesterday and number three happened this morning.


Seems to be accelerating, dude.



Is the list FIFO? What happens if the person in spot #1 exits the company?

Garbage Collected?


Then I crack open a cold one in celebration.


You know you’ve been setting up too many new Windows 10 images when you get the Cortana popup and your first reaction is “Go to hell, Cortana. No one likes you.”.

I disabled her entirely on my machine via the registry but I guess that’s not a thing we do for the regular users.


You could probably make the case it’s a potential security risk if it carries any data off-site, and thus push for it to be removed/disabled.


Please check your IPs, then get back to me. OK?


Today’s mood: Smartass

$George (via IM): There is a ticket assigned to you.

Me: There are many tickets assigned to me. You’ll have to be more specific.

Pretty sure $George is in India and doesn’t appreciate my sarcasm. :slight_smile:


I like it. So many ways you could have gone with it. Subtle is a good start.


I think your response was perfectly reasonable. $George gave incomplete and basically useless information, you asked for clarification. The fact that you did so sarcastically is just a bonus for you really :smile: