The Conspiracy Corner


#1

Now, I hate conspiracies. I like to take things at face value, and I like to think that deep inside the opinionated bullshit the media spews forth there is still a majority of truth. 9/11 wasn’t a false flag operation, 7/7 wasn’t the People’s Front of Islington, aliens haven’t visited Earth or at least if they have, they certainly aren’t being held in secret laboratories in Nevada.

But… I kinda want to say something about the incident in Salisbury (pron: Solsbree).

I am so very, very skeptical of the Government’s line that it was Russia. Not because I don’t think Putin is capable of such a thing, because he most certainly is, but because of the total absence of any actual facts. So far, we know the following:

  • The Government has claimed that the father and daughter were poisoned by a nerve agent developed by the Soviet Union.

Well now, this might be true. We don’t know. Why don’t we know? Because the police are actively not investigating this, the Army are. This is convenient because it means that any actual findings don’t have to be reported because of national security. Repeated requests by the UN, Russia, and the OPCW for a sample of the chemicals have been denied until this week, two weeks after the poisoning.

  • The Government has claimed that the two victims, and the policeman also affected, are alive and stable but in critical condition in hospital.

We know for a fact that the policeman is alive, because we’ve seen photos of him waving from inside an isolation ward. What haven’t we seen? The Russian family. Nobody has. Literally, nobody, and they aren’t registered at any British hospital. Now, this might just be because of our privacy laws, where you can’t ask if someone is there unless you’re a family member, but when the Skripal family went public to announce that they too have had their requests for any form of visitation, or even just a sodding photograph denied, it does make you start to wonder.

  • Killing Skripal wasn’t in Russia’s interests.

Election month. Now, everyone knew Putin would win, but why on earth do something that would invoke suspicion like that? Maybe it’s a very good bluff, and for a while I thought it was, but as time rolls on and more and more slips out through the media, I start to doubt it. The Russian Ambassador to the UN had even personally offered to verify the toxin directly with the OPCW to rule out Russia’s involvement, and our War Minister literally told him to “shut up and go away”.

  • Even if Russia did want to punish Skripal, they already did.

Yup. He spent his jail term in its entirety, and Russia said they were even. So why kill him now, years after he stopped being a spy?

Now, here’s where things start getting conspiratorial, and where I start hating myself for thinking so little of fellow human beings…

  • Jeremy Corbyn is going to be our next Prime Minister

What the hell does that have to do with anything? Well, Corbyn is an actual Socialist social democrat; bordering on Marxism in places. Now, I like this, because I’m red verging on red and black. Who doesn’t like this? Well anyone with a vested interest in corporate capital, which is pretty much everyone with power and/or capital in the West. Now, why is this even important?

So, how many left-leaning governments have The West worked together to completely destroy over the last century? Regardless of how successful or self-destructive those governments were even. Labour at the moment are pretty much as left now as they were in the height of the Workers Movement (before the Great Stagnation that ultimately led to Thatcher). They’re one of the largest Socialist organisations outside of China right now. And whenever this current government falls, and they are going to fall, hard, fast, and violently, he will be Prime Minister.

So when a country is going left and all its right allies don’t like it, it gets crushed. Usually by something completely terrible, like a coup, or actual warfare. In the 21st century, it’s a little different, especially since the UK is a “First World” country rather than a developing nation. So the coup is being pushed by the media, rather than war. Make Corbyn look bad, make Labour look split, make TMay look better by showing her scowling like a harpy in front of a whole house of baying Tories as she screams “WUSSHA DID IT”. You don’t need a war or a coup if you tell everyone that Russia tried to kill British people, and Corbyn wants to defend Russia, that’s enough hopefully to sway the masses.

I realise this is becoming a bit of a ramble, but bear with me.

Now, what the fuck does this have to do with anything? Well, Theresa May is a Thatcherite, she revels in free market capitalism and believes that it is the best thing since sliced bread (indeed, it created sliced bread). The problem is, until a couple of weeks ago, because her Government was about to tear itself in three over Brexit, she didn’t look good at all. She needed something to distract from Brexit, to distract from the fact that pretty much all of the things she promised aren’t going to happen. We’ve already waived so many rights the whole thing is now just a suicide mission to kill the entire economy in two years flat. She really, desperately, needed to look good again.

What makes a Prime Minister look good? Defeating terrorists. It’s the 21st century now, and as our media has discovered, trying to make Corbyn look bad by calling him Communist in a country where the Tories just voted to take away free school meals for impoverished children (see footnote) hasn’t worked because we actually like the sound of some social reform right now. So yes, a terrorist act. How very “V for Vendetta”. Now, who can we pin this on? Well we can’t just have it be another Muslim, because all that will do is bolster the racists and considering Hate Crime is up almost 300% while the number of policemen on the streets is down 40%, we can’t keep pulling that rope or the murder rate will sky-rocket. So, no Muslims, who else don’t we like?

Well public opinion, especially in London, is that we don’t like Russians. More specifically, we don’t like rich Russians. They’re buying whole housing projects and then literally doing fuck all with them, not even renting them out, just so they have somewhere to hide their money so that Putin doesn’t come after them and ask how they got it. So we have an anti-Russian sentiment right now just mulling away. What a convenient scape goat. Lets blame Russia. Remember folks, we have always been at war with Eurasia.

So, what do I think? Who do I think did it?

To be honest, I don’t know. I think, the more things drag on with no actual evidence whatsoever apart from one single policeman who isn’t allowed to talk to anyone, the fact we don’t even have names for the people who “found” the Skripals (nor are they in hospital), the fact that there’s no confirmation that the Skripals are in a hospital anywhere, the fact that Theresa was so desperate to immediately brand Corbyn a traitor (no, really, she and others in her cabinet have called him a traitor, as if this is some crypto-fascist state) as soon as he asked for due legal process to be followed… I find myself coming to the conclusion that the entire thing is fabricated. All of it. Which is horrible, because that would mean that they’ve locked some poor bobby in a hospital and knocked him out just to maintain the lie.

I don’t want that to be true, but I also don’t want it to be true that Russia are carrying out assassinations, regardless of whether they’re in Britain or not. That this government has been caught repeatedly lying about everything, from the economy to the number of people who died of AIDS last year (yeah, they actually lied about people dying of an incurable condition) makes me suspicious. That they immediately, without evidence other than what they refuse to show the international community, blamed Russia at a time when Russia was paralysed with its own internal affairs makes me suspicious.

TL;DR: I don’t think it actually happened at all.

Footnote: Yup. The Tories voted to take away free school meals for impoverished children, which under their government has rocketed up to somewhere near 30% of all children. Some of these kids weren’t just getting free lunch, but also free breakfast and afternoon fruit, because they can’t get enough food at home because while income is headed down against inflation, food is rising above inflation. The poorest are literally going to start starving soon, because under the most fucking barabric and evil law enacted by a modern Tory, you legally have to pay your bills before you can buy groceries. So if you’re in debt to your landlord, or if you missed last month’s electric bill, you have to pay those before you buy food.

Fuck this Government. Fuck them with a rusty machete covered in razorwire and dog shit.

(apologies for vitriol)


#2

Say what now? Don’t let our government on this side of the pond hear about that. They’ll think it’s a great idea.


#3

Thankfully there are several things that have to go away before our government can do that. The 4th, 5th, and 2nd amendment, as well as the 9th and 10th.

Of course we have an entire section of the country that seems to really dislike the 9th, 10th and 2nd… so maybe soon.