Happy Famdamilies

I have a quantum number of expected guests. Me and my wife will be there (barring accident, since it’s our house) but then there’s:

  • Mother-in-law
  • Mother-in-law’s Boyfriend
  • Mother-in-law’s maybe-sorta former housemate who has on the outs with MIL.
  • Possibly $Wife’s stepbrother. MIL was trying to set him up with Housemate last year.

I’m resigned to quite possibly retreating to my basement for some or all of the evening. I’m getting really defensive as the BF is apparently very religious, but sees nothing wrong with cheating around on people, encouraging others to do the same, selling some semi-legal stuff (really, when we live in a state where apparently you could just get a permit and do it legally!), and some other issues.

So, basically: I’m fine if BF wants to say grace. But if you attack me for my lack of church attendance or similar I’m going to react badly. I’m faithful to my wife, don’t drink to excess, and while far from perfect I’m trying to deal with my own shit and let everyone else have the space and support to deal with their own.

I also don’t approve that they’re using some borderline excuses to get a turkey from a charity or something. I can afford a turkey. It’s not a big deal. We’ll feed people and not complain.

My ideal at this point in my life is to just host Thanksgiving for people that actually want to be there. I’d rather have a small casual dinner for friends that don’t have family to spend it with or whatever than some forced thing.

But there’s a definite chance I’ll be in the basement watching MST3k and painting minis or playing video games. The good thing is MIL and all have to work the next morning, so no one is staying late.

I apologize for my brief rant.


Dude, you have full justification to rant. It sounds like, at a minimum, BF needs a reality check. That you at least somewhat expect him to come into your home and gripe at you about none-of-his-friggin-business is abhorrent and should not be tolerated. But I can understand preferring to retreat to someplace you can do something you enjoy rather than engage in, hmm, relationship warfare? Ha! :wink:

Thanks. I should probably say that I’m arguing this fight in my head and I haven’t even met BF yet, so it may be no big deal. It probably won’t be as bad as I expect, but probably won’t be nothing, either.

I’ll post what actually happens for everyone’s amusement.


Oh wow… sounds like a nice character. /s

Agreed, if you can afford it, buy it. Otherwise you’ll deprive somebody who really are in need from a meal.

Family on my dad’s the same (minus the shady stuff). They tend to make fun of my dad every time they have a family gathering, and my dad just refused to go to any further meetings two years ago. Famdamily’s still sour about it. (But they never invited myself and my family, which we’re fine with, I don’t want to visit them anyway).

We’d rather visit our friends and have a nice, quiet time with them while the kids play with each other.

Can’t be arsed about family anymore. Let them go their way, I’ll go my way, thankyouverramuch.

Anyway, got my own life, there’s things I would like to improve, but if it can’t be improved, then that’s what it is.

And I’ve got my friends on this forum as well.

Hope Karma visits BF when he least expect it. Now that will be fun :slight_smile: I have seen that when people transgress the law, they do it little by little, then more and more, then one day they’ll stick out their neck and bite off more than they can chew, and then they’ll cry like a snowflake without a safe space.

Yay, looking forward to read about Happy families.

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@Nabiki Oh great Moderatrix, can you spin off these discussions to a new thread titled “Happy Famdamilies”? :slight_smile:


And… done :tada:

I’m not looking forward to telling the old roommate’s family that I have no intention of spending the holidays with them. They still feel that they did nothing wrong while he was in the hospital, or that it should be excused. When I brought up how much it hurt that they blamed me for his illness, the response was, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

I understand why they did it. I’m not okay with it. They told people basically that my house is a disease infested cesspit, which it’s not. It’s not as pristine as their houses (I work full time, I have pets, and I don’t have a housekeeper), but it’s not nearly as bad as they make it out to be.

I’d far rather spend Thanksgiving with my friend who’s coming to visit from Oregon and Christmas alone.


Do it, and be happy rather than spending it in misery. Just tell them you’ve made other plans, stick to that, avoid them and leave it at that.

edit : and thank you for splitting this topic. Now we can have a good rant at “happy” familes.


The turkey thing bothers me irrationally. We’re not wealthy, but a turkey is not going to break the bank for us. Especially if we size a turkey reasonably instead of buying a turkey intended to feed twenty people. (We do use leftovers. I expect Turkey Chimichangas to be on the menu the week after Thanskgiving.)

Plus we’d love to be a little more experimental with the Thanksgiving menu. My ideal would be to do a few of the ‘traditional’ bits and have a fun evening with everyone eating, but I don’t need a formal sit-down, or strict adherence to the standard menu. Interesting breads? Sure! Sushi? OK!

I’m perhaps a bit grumpy. And the people we’re having over are not experimental (and I’m saying this as an acknowledged member with tenure of the picky eater’s club.) so even pierogies are out (Fried dough pockets with mash potatoes inside…How can that not be acceptable Thanksgiving food?).

I’ve heard MIL doesn’t even eat Mexican food (by which I mean Americanized-Mexican) but we’re slowly working on that. Baby steps.


This sounds like a much better option to me. I feel like from what you’ve said that they’ve been nothing but rude to you and you shouldn’t be under any obligation to entertain them. Even if they’re in to clean up your roommate’s affairs or whatever it doesn’t mean you have to entertain them.

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We also do the same - but trying to get the most bang for the buck. Get something in bulk which you can divide up, and freeze for use at a later stage, and portionize it big enough to make full but not cause overeating.

Works out cheaper as you don’t have to go back to the shops and buy other things which you really don’t need as well beside wasting fuel on an extra trip.

Nothing wrong with experimenting with other food. You get combinations that’ll taste very good, and then you’ll get combinations which’ll make you go blecch.

I’ve told my kids they can make food as long as it’s edible :slight_smile: And also told them that I will tell them if the food was to my liking or not. (My kids can cook, my wife and I agree that it is a skill that children absolutely must have, no matter if you’re male or female).

This way they will know that they’re on the right track, and will prepare food that you can actually eat and enjoy instead of lying and tell them the food was good when it was awful, and they’ll keep on making awful food…

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I was late to learn a lot of ‘basic cooking skills’ beyond some basic kitchen safety, but I will try stuff and have received compliments for a few things I can do (Black Bean Pasta Cancun is a favorite, as is my Guacamole). And I will try stuff sometimes, just needs to be on my own terms. :slight_smile:

I’m kind of thinking of surprising my wife by making some bread this weekend since she works in the morning and is having a craft night with her friends. It’s possible I just want fresh bread.

My quail roo is not doing his job (8 out of 8 eggs that I set in the incubator are infertile) and only one of my six mature hens is laying. I have 8 5 week old birds, so I might have quail for Thanksgiving…


Give it a stern talking-to?

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I mean, there’s treating it like the Pandas at the National Zoo, but where do you go for quail-centric adult films?

Easier to replace him with a younger model. I’m pretty sure that three of my younger birds are boys. That leaves five hens to replace the five that aren’t laying too.

I also have 60 eggs in the incubator right now. I actually have 68, but as of yesterday, (day 7) there was no development in the 8 from my hen. I’m going to candle them one more time tonight then throw them away. Maybe after opening them up to save the shells to make candles out of.

Which basically translates to “F@#k you, we don’t care about you”

So basically, your house is a normal house, not one owned by anally retentive prats? :wink:

I can see why you wouldn’t look forward to telling them you aren’t spending the holidays with them, but I think you are very much justified in doing so.
I think I might have said this before, but you can forgive people’s actions when they are under that amount of stress, but that doesn’t mean you should forget it. Being wary around them is completely normal and understandable.


If you don’t want to spend Christmas alone, maybe you can use some airline miles to get away for a few days. I’m guessing you have a buttload of miles after your spring vacation.


Go to Fiji! my Ex/close friend is there and she loves it!

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I was thinking Key West, but yeah, that’s the spirit!
Or if you want to play russian roulette with the weather, come see Houston! LoL