Haggis stabbers

Okay, time to use one of my best creative resources: you guys.

I need a new name. A new word or words for something very old.

My business (http://reallyhorrible.ca) is slow, so I started up something that I think might be worth the effort. I’m making hardwood chopsticks.

They’ve come out quite well and don’t take long to make. If I have a bunch of premade ‘blanks’, I can do this at events without power. All good stuff.

I don’t like the word chopsticks. It’s been around for only a short time and is an English word for a much older product. I know that every Asian culture has their own name, but I’m going a different way.

I tell people that these were originally invented by the people of what is now Scotland, and they only used one. The Asians stole the idea from them and had to add a second stick.

All lies, of course. However, I’d love a new name/word to use.

  • haggis stabber
  • Viking culinary death stick
  • Gungan skewer

Not all ideas are good ideas (clearly), but I’d like to hear them anyway.

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Holy crap man, the price of the hardwood chopsticks is insane. $100 for a pair of, granted really nice, sticks? Woof!

I’d say there is some market room there for bespoke chopsticks.

Man, those bitters look awesome. I knew you made and sold vanilla, but I’ve been making my own with vodka for ages, need to try with rum though, I’ve got quite the selection from my trips to Nassau. Next time I’m looking for something different I’ll hit your site up, need an excuse to get the syrup too, though 4 oz seems small.

My vote is for Haggis Skewer.

Yeah, mine are going to be more in the $10 range.

If you are making vanilla with rum, use the cheapest stuff you can find. The amount of additional flavour you’d get from a premium rum is zero. However, using rum definitely makes a difference in the end product.

4 oz. IS a bit small. I’ll give you that. I have several reasons for that decision. They are all secret.

Maybe Höggvastafur (Icelandic translation according to Google translate).


Yeah, this one. Definitely caters to the Ikea demographic, too.

IKEA is Swedish, not Icelandic. :slightly_smiling:

Are you saying that Ikea fans will know the difference?


As a member of the haggis-eating elite (within actual walking distance of a native haggis farm, with all the little haggis beasts running free-range on the moors) I support the name Haggis Stabber, and suggest the following contraction: Haggistabber.

Or there’s dinnerprodder, FoodFulcrum™, or baitcrane.

Only read about what haggis is :smile:

Haggis stabber fits the bill quite nicely.

So you stab the haggis with this. Then how do you eat it? (Cue image of eating the haggis like a big, oversized lollipop) :stuck_out_tongue:

Here are a few more from my good friends over at Dragonsfoot:

Bioran-ithe (Gaelic)
Pasty Pokers
Table Cabers
Stone of Scone Spone (spoon?)
Fo’ sticks
Meat Lances
Wands of Nourishment
Steak Stakes
Dead Bovine Flesh Impalers
Pot Stickers
Dick Sticks
Snack Stabbers
Bite Batons
Board Bars
Chow Sticks
Cuisine Clubs
Larder Lances
Fodder Canes
Grub Grabbers
Mess Masts
Provision Pokers
Ration Rakes
Slop Chops
Snack Stakes
Sustenance Staves
Table Timbers
Tater Twigs
Vittle Wands

Table caber.


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I’m with Noms. Table Cabers. Because nobody likes haggis, even if you stab it repeatedly.


My initial vote was for this one, because it’s named after me. And there’s nothing like impaling a bite-sized chunk of semi-raw meat with a pointy stick and eating it.

On second thought, ‘table caber’ is better. Although you’d better be prepared to explain what a ‘caber’ is. Repeatedly. Lots of repeatedly. Multiple times per day, even.

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With lots of repeated stabbing, hey nonny nonny and blood all over the place? :smile:

I work craft shows. All of my products have unique elements. I’m used to having to explain the same things hundreds of times in a day.

“Vanilla extract? Sure, I know what that is. What do you mean, you make it with different kinds of alcohol?”

“I love maple syrup. Why would you add other flavours to it?”

“What’s a DrinkPuck?”

“What are bitters?”

“You’re selling burnt wood sticks? Have you lost your mind?”

When I have to go back to the basic question of WHAT IS THAT FOR, it can either be a chore or a delight depending on their level of enthusiasm. Regardless, it’s always a lot of talking.

Chopsticks? Pretty much everyone is going to get that. I’ll probably have a sign with that word crossed out and ‘table cabers’ written in with crayon.

Table cabers seems to be the favourite across several groups. Thanks.

Put a storm trooper figure on your display table throwing one.

Maybe even some styrofoam terrain with a couple of them already stuck in them.

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How about Hipster Forks, or Nae Spoons?

The inherent irony appeals to me.

Fenrir’s Toothpick