I have decided to start a post documenting my exchanges with a select few customers, in order to vent and/or laugh at the state of the technologically illiterate. After all, that’s what the George section is all about, right?
Formatting is thus: Said things in standard font. Computer data in oblique. Emphasis in bold.
I shall start with the drunk woman from the Wirral - imagine if half of Manhattan was swamp, and hated the half that wasn’t. This is the Wirral to Liverpool. This took place Monday 10th. Additional information pertaining to this story: a pack is a pre-pay system whereby instead of just using your data, you get a set allowance of greater value than the original credit. Packs last 30 days before expiration, but you can supplement them with booster packs for one particular service. It’s pretty much a fully optional contract system, where you can leave at any time, and there’s no credit checks because you pre-pay.
Me: [opening spiel omitted]
Her: I just topped up £15 but my pack hasn’t renewed. I need my data so I can do my things!
Me: When is your pack due to renew?
Her: I don’t know.
[omitted: DPA and security]
Me: I’ll check. […] Your pack renews on the 23rd, but I can add some data now from your credit if you need it.
Her: So I topped up for nothing?
Me: No, you still have that £15. In fact you have close to £20 in credit right now, I can-
Her: So I’ve lost all the credit I just added?
Me: No. It’s still there.
Her: So where is my pack!?
Me: It renews on the 23rd.
Her: So it’s useless then?
Me: … no, you still have 440 [of 500] minutes and your unlimited texts. You’ve just used your data up.
Her: I don’t understand, I know I have minutes left, but I need a new pack for my data!
Me: But your pack doesn’t renew until the 23rd. I can add a data boost if you need data, it’ll come out of your credit.
Her: You said I had no credit!
Me: No, no, I said you had £19 credit, but your data has expired in your current pack.
Her: So give me a new pack!
Me: I can’t. You can’t have two packs at the same time.
Her: So what did I top up for?
Me: …because you wanted to buy more data?
Her: No, I wanted a new pack!
Me: But your current one still has a fortnight to run. I can add more data from your credit though.
Her: I don’t want more data I want my new pack!
Me [Jesus Christ, why me?]: Maybe I’ve not explained clearly enough [benefit of the doubt here guys], when you add a pack it lasts for 30 days. You’ve barely used any of your minutes at the halfway point, so even if I were to remove your pack - which I can - and start a new one, you’d be paying £15 for 2GB data and minutes you’re not going to use. I can add another 1GB right now to your account for £2, or 10GB for £7.
Her: So I topped up for nothing then since I can’t have my pack?
Me: No, like I say, your pack is still there. It’s still active. You have your minutes and texts, and I can add more data. You still have your credit.
Her: I don’t want that. I want a new pack.
Me: Are you sure you don’t want me to add just 2GB of data for £4? Then you’ll still have £15 for your next pack. Or if you want I can swap you to the £15 Data Pack which has 4GB data but less minutes.
Her [yelling]: I JUST WANT THE PACK I FUCKING PAID FOR!
Me [silently weeping]: You have that pack. You’ve just used up the data from it.
[omitted: the next five minutes going round in a fucking circle]
Me: Would you like me to cancel your pack and add the data pack then?
Her: Will I get my data?
Me [AAAAAAAAAARGH]: Yes, you will get your data.
Her: Well why didn’t you fucking say so already?
Me: I offered you this pack twice.
Her: Just fucking do it then. [hangs up].