Breaking Noise

I do this thing on Twitter and Google+ called “Breaking Noise”. I think of it as “all the fake news that’s too plausible for anyone’s comfort”. Lately, I’ve been having fun at Alabama’s (especially the state Supreme Court) expense:

The Alabama State Supreme Court has filed a civil suit against the United States Constitution, alleging the Constitution illegally applied the Bill of Rights to people the justices dislike.

Rand Paul is currently soliciting donations to assist Alabama with the legal costs. “I think it’s wrong for the Constitution to force people to be citizens,” he said in a statement. “That violates the libertine [sic] ideals on which this country was founded.”

Rhetoric on the subject has become increasingly inflammatory over the past week. Over-qualified layabout Bill O’Reilly has called for “military options” nearly every minute of the news cycle, while self-described “Pundit and harridan-at-large” Ann Coulter announced, “Hey, we killed Lincoln for this shit. I say napalm the damned thing, or deport it back to Canada.”

When asked his opinion outside the building where donors were meeting to discuss his run for President next year, Chief Justice John Roberts, of the U.S. Supreme Court, replied, “Well, that’s what happens when you let campaign finance reform run amok. What’s next, forbidding Catholic priests from fondling small children?”

The case is expected to reach the Court sometime this year, after the Court hears arguments in more important cases, such as the woman carpenter suing her customers, claiming that men wearing cologne violates her religious beliefs.


Breaking Noise

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal has called for Barack Obama to apologize for running for office.

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Hey, maybe he’ll be the first fully minority president.

Too bad he wouldn’t be the first one full of shit.

Breaking Noise!

The Senate Armed Services committee has summoned the Joint Chiefs to a hearing on the US’s lack of preparedness to resist an invasion of Sagittarians.

Breaking Noise:

US Senate orders NASA to stop messing around with Uranus.

(seriously, Uranus was discovered on this date 1781, by astronomer William Herschel)

Space X announces private probe already halfway in Uranus.

I just sent a personal note to Cruz, telling him to not get all nutsoid on NASA that close (Tuesday) to the anniversary of the discovery of Uranus. Seriously, the guy has disconnected so far from reality, he qualifies as reality’s dwarf planet

From your angle. His reality is closer to what I see around me. Though I haven’t been paying any attention to what he’s been saying lately. Too busy trying to find Hillary’s emails.

Telling NASA their job is not to study the

Forget it.

Breaking Noise:

Federal law enforcement officers announced today the arrest of a number of comedians accused of flooding the market with counterfeit nitrous oxide.

Breaking Noise:

Upon hearing that Rasputin my have been homosexual, Vladimir “the Impaler” Putin has ordered Rasputin to leave the country or be executed.

He could still be there.

Breaking Noise:

Authorities in El Paso Texas have decided NOT to do an autopsy on Antonin Scalia.

An anonymous source close to the decision makers told the media, “What if we discovered that he’d been dead for years? It could demoralize the entire country.”