Bloated Goats is BAAAAAAACK! (well, possibly)


Bloated Goats Zombies, eh?



If we can get away from systems to send search requests for everything you typed, that would make me happy.

“You pressed a key. I’ll send a search request for that. Ooh, you typed another key. Let me update the search request. And another key! Gotta update the search request. He’s typed another key! Another search request, baby! And yet another! Search all the things!”

Computer/web browser/mail program/whatever, you can wait two seconds before sending a search request so that it doesn’t slow me down when I type. It doesn’t have to be with Every. Single. Key. Press.

That actually goes back to the timer concept I proposed a while ago. The computer starts a timer when key detection indicates there’s a pause. When it reaches a certain amount, like two seconds or thirty, then the computer can see “the human isn’t doing anything at this moment, so now I can slip something in that needs their attention” (or the outgoing search request).

This website does this. As I type this message, if I pause for three seconds, the auto-save feature kicks in. It doesn’t try doing that in between each letter I type. I haven’t tested my typing speed lately, but I think it used to be about 40 words per minute. That equals about two or three letters per seconds, so the auto-save function is being smart and not trying to do a save multiple times a second.

The IBM Verse mail program that I’m stuck with on my smartphone does the “search after every keypress” method. Makes it really annoying trying to edit who messages are going to and is one of the main reasons why I bought a Bluetooth keyboard so I could highlight a section of characters and delete them with one keystroke to avoid the slowdown nuisance.

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I still have nightmares about Bloated Goats and I haven’t had to support it in over a decade.


Holy crap, don’t Google that.
I wasn’t sure if it was a generalization or a dig at one specific software. Now I don’t care anymore. Yuck.


For the uninitiated, “Bloated Goats” was better known as “Lotus Notes.”


I’d say the opposite. Lotus Notes was better known as Bloated Goats :wink:


I think IBM is in for a world of butthurt.

On that specific El Reg article, one commentard said that M$ Office is the de facto standard, and trying to get people to switch over will be very difficult.

It can only be achieved if Bloated Goats is overhauled totally, to cut out slowness (as per @RRabbit42’s post above) and making it much better than the current Office iteration that people will want to use it.

Otherwise it’ll be an Sisyphean excercise. (see

Plus another hurdle to jump will be that their client (and possibly server) will need to run and target multiple platforms (Android, iOS, OSX, Windows, Linux etc).

So this will be very interesting.

I’ll just start with a clean slate instead, incorporate LibreOffice/OpenOffice and use Open Source technologies instead, bundle it and make it work and interoperate better than MS Office… but that’s just me.

Have loaded Lotus Smartsuite on OS/2 recently, it looks very, very dated. Not to mention what manners of nasty bugs and vulnerabilities may exist as well.


I’m so sorry, my assumption was that world+dog would have made the association between “bloated goats” and “lotus notes” a long time ago.

My sincere apologies.

Now can I offer Sir a free mindscrub and eyebleach, courtesy of the Acme Corp? :slight_smile:


No worries. Thankfully, I’ve never worked someplace that used Lotus Notes, at least, not while I was there, so I was spared some of the horror.


Had the pleasure of using Bloated Goats at the George job.

It’s remarkable when a piece of software is so bad that it makes you actually excited to work somewhere that uses Exchange/Outlook.


IBM still uses it, and they are a big contracting firm nowadays, so…


Bloated Goats?? Oh, please… No… Anything but that.

Many years ago I was on a working party that was tasked with selecting the next email / collaboration / calendaring solution for $BigPlace. We looked at Novell’s offering, Exchange, Oracle’s product and maybe something else. I think we eventually selected the Oracle offering because of it’s integration of everything (and the fact that we were very much an Oracle shop).

So we were all rather surprised when it was announced that Bloated Goats was the preferred solution. It was procalimed that by the end of the year, the first 15,000 users would be migrated and a further 70,000 users would be migrated over the next couple of years.

5 YEARS later, we had 1/3 of the first migration completed.

Thankfully, I was a sysadmin with a Unix box and I was able to use Fetchmail and my own solution to get around the crawling horror that was dropped upon us.


Just as an aside, who first started to call it Bloated Goats?

Just googled it, apparently goat bloat happens when the rumen bacteria dies and the food cannot be properly digested by the rest of the digestive tract.

Now this alone gives me a sort of an idea why it is called Bloated Goats - the program itself throttles information passthrough.