A Thread for Jokes


#81

A racist, a misogynist and a homophobe walk into an Australian bar. The bartender looks up and says: “What are you having, Tony?”


#82

One of the things I like about this forum is that this joke will not be lost on the people who come here (and the fact that the joke was actually made).
I read “Not Always Right” and see stories about morons who don’t even realise that Canada and even parts of Europe are separate countries to the US. So it’s refreshing to see a joke about Australia and to know that even if people don’t know who Tony is they are smart enough to work it out or find it out.


#83

And get the fact that the “Liberal Party” isn’t the same as liberals here in the US.

Austrailia, isn’t that the place with all those bobby eating dingoes, boxing kangaroos, crocodile hunters, and road signs with deaths heads on them indicating the wastelands where the gas wars go on?


#84

And don’t forget, everyone drinks Fosters while they’re putting their shrimps on the Barbie…

http://www.toymashup.com/2012/05/08/shrimp-on-the-barbie/


#85

How come Ken never gets any shrimp? That’s sexist that is.

Next from Mattel, MGTOW Ken!


#86

No, we don’t. We export that fetid camel’s piss to the rest of the world and keep all the good beer for ourselves.


Random Musings (and associated non sequiturs) v. 3.0
#87

Thankfully we’ve relearned how to make decent beer here. I will say that for a day of volleyball or hanging at the beach there are far worse things to slam all day than Coor Light.

Keeps me hydrated, and cleans out my system while barely keeping me buzzed! Plus I can honestly say that I thought that it was my 24 pack I was polishing off.

I can’t imagine trying to pull that off with a Three Floyds Gumball Head, or a Magic Hat #9. Those beers are like meal replacement beverages if you have more than one or two.


#88

And the smart folks in the rest of the world don’t drink it. :smile:

As for @Woodman’s post, I get that on a hot day, you don’t want a heavy beer but my beer of choice for that is Corona. I just can’t Coors Light and that ilk anymore. Of course this choice may have something to with my proximity to the Mexican border.


#89

Corona works too.

A couple years ago I made a Lawnmower Lemon Coriander Ale. That was pretty damn awesome, light crisp and refreshing.


#90

Huh. That sounds pretty awesome.


#91

For anyone that brews.


#92

Stop me if we covered this one before…

With marijuana infused edibles on the rise as a result of the trend of legalization or decriminalization (in some places), and marijuana oft being assigned the source of desire for munchies, are we at the point of marketing food that makes you hungrier by nature?


#93

The circular nature of the desire for and consumption of space cakes is a well known phenomenon. What is truly inexplicable is why some people would choose to supplement this diet with things as awful as Dominos pizza…


#94

Having consumed a Domino’s pizza Wednesday after practically starving myself, you’ll eat almost anything when you are desperate.


#95

And one of the reasons for medical marijuana is to stimulate appetite. We’ve also created a food that you have to consume in order to feel well enough to eat food.


#96

Can we just legalize it, I’m curious if hemp really is a super material or not. It’s like hearing how awesome the next town down the line is, but never being allowed to visit.

And I can’t wait until I just pop a THC pill for minor aches and pains instead of fucking everything else up popping an aspirin or some other shit.


#97

So far, at least here in Blighty, the cycle runs like this: Conservatives get voted in, make cannabis a Class B drug, because all fun things are bad and drug users belong in jails don’cha know. Labour get voted in, make cannabis a Class C drug, because they want to appear more fun and human than those damn Tory lizards, but they are government so there can’t be too much fun, which is why they’ll never legalise it entirely. Then the Conservatives get voted in again, continue ad infinitum.

Whenever anyone points out that marijuana could be taxed and licensed in the exact same way that tobacco currently is, the Government (regardless of colour) immediately summons “Marijuana Kills Babies, a report by Bickering and Killjoy” to scare everyone into thinking pot is as dangerous as a cocaine-and-acid milkshake known on the street as “Dragonade”. (This may be a subtle reference to the Brasseye episode about “Cake”)


#98


#99

I think the proper comparison is to alcohol. Especially considering the number of violent criminals in the US found with THC in their system lately. People have this image stuck in their head of the mellow stoner and totally forget the spazz that freaks out on pot, or the guy who channels his paranoia into violence.


#101

In my experience these guys are in the minority. But our government needs justification to keep marijuana a Schedule I drug (while cocaine is a Schedule II, WTF?). So of course the media is going to report on it whenever it happens. Alcohol is legal and causes way more problems IMO.