A Thread for Jokes


#41

There’s a fine line between a sad commentary on society and an indictment…


#42

I staunchly confirm that the event as described has never happened to me. :stuck_out_tongue:


#43

You have little idea just how stupid people are in this day and age. Those 20-odd samples are but a miniscule snapshot of what passes as “intelligent” conversation in this day and age.

Welcome to hell. Here’s your dictionary, thesaurus and live feed to Facebook.


#44

Can I get an “Amen” from the congregation?


#45

Amen! And a hallelujah to boot!


#46

Q: What is really great to have some of, but really bad to be full of?

A: “Awe” (awesome vs awful)


#47

Had to share this.


#48

(Something I was working on for a project, and quickly got out of… uh…)

What’s the difference between masturbation and dating?

  1. It’s not only possible to have a healthy, stable relationship with your hand, it doesn’t involve a lot of tear-filled “discussions” until 4 a.m.
  2. You will never forget your anniversary. Or your hand’s birthday, which coincidentally is the same day.
  3. Your hand will always respect you in the morning, and has no problem cooking you breakfast.
  4. Your hand will never ask you to go shopping for shoes, dresses, swimsuits, or tampons.
  5. If you hand ever cheats on you, it’s okay - you’re included.
  6. You already know your hand’s mother and have learned to deal with it.
  7. It’s cheaper to get divorced from your hand.
  8. Getting married to your hand does not involve 1000 friends and relatives, a caterer, a priest, eight months of hunting for the right dress, several weeks of cold feet, a bachelor party (that defies laws of nature, morality, and state statutes), wedding cake all over your face, and fifty men diving out of the way of 100 women trying to catch the bouquet. Also, it’s free.
  9. You never have to worry about filing joint taxes.
  10. Your hand will never make you sleep on the couch.
  11. Your hand will never have the locks changed and lock you out of the house.
  12. Your hand will never get a pet that you despise.
  13. Your hand will never clog up your computer with viruses from watching porn online.

I’m going to save this to my desktop so I can add to it from time to time.


#49

Knock knock…

Who’s there?

Interrupting A-10.

Interrupting A-

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt


#50

Walking through the front door, if you have pets:

Dogs: OMG you’re home! You were gone five minutes, and we thought you were never coming back!!

Cats: Who let you in here?


#51

Q: What do you call a strange man who is constantly seen lurking around military operations, doesn’t make eye contact, never takes his hands out of his pockets, and has a disturbing smile on his face?

A: Mission creep.


#52

If said man carried a sniper rifle, I’d say he’d be known as scope creep.


#53

Totally OT, but I just noticed how creepy @moufassa’s avatar is…


#54

The chibi version was creepier.


#55

Hmmm. That one must have been while I was away. :smile:


#56

This one?

…or this one?


#57

The second


#58

I’d still have that one but it didn’t work properly as an avatar.


#59

Ah, okay - I recognise the chibi one now. I LIKE the first one. :smile:


#60

There’s an article in the local news site with the headline “Is the Internet giving us all ADHD?”. I started reading it but got distracted. I’ll let you know later what it’s